The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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