I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Boobs are out for the taking
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
