I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize