I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
