My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
