the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
