I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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