omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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