hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
