apparently the secret to your success is patron
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize