just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
