R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize