I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
