found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
