New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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