i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
vagina is talking i cant
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
