My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
