if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
