So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
