well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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