I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
