Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
