Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
