Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
