Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
