god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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