I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
