first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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