one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
