no one should ever give us hovercrafts
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
