Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
