Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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