Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
