Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
