i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
