Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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