We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
