I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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