Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
