my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
