all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
