i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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