New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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