I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize