Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
