Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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