Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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