Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
