Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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