so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
