Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
