What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
