I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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