8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
