hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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