I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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