I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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