Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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