spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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