DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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