wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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