How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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