I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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