Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I have tasted many bathrooms
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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