So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
