Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
