Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
