Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
