I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
